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Herbie: Fully Loaded It would be horribly unfair to make as many jokes as possible about Lindsay Lohan and all of the salacious rumors surrounding her life while reviewing this movie, but life isn't fair, and I need some funny to keep you reading, so let's see how many jokes I can think up (hate mail and threats from publicists should be directed to waffle@wafflemovies.com). Also, I think it's important to mention that Lindsay sang a song for the movie's soundtrack (I wouldn't want her to storm out of my review halfway through). The Incredibly Shrinking Lindsay Lohan stars as Maggie - a recent college graduate and granddaughter of a legendary NASCAR racer (she rides a skateboard, so we know she's cool, maybe she should have a blog and read comic books, too?). After an unfortunate accident a few years ago, she stopped racing, but the drive still burns down deep inside of her (a rumored date with Colin Farrell will do that to ya). Before Maggie leaves California for her new job as an associate producer at ESPN, her Dad, Ray (Michael "making a career out of playing the father of Hollywood starlets" Keaton), takes her to the local junkyard to find a car they can fix up (maybe they'll make the headlights bigger, then smaller). Of course, Maggie unknowingly chooses Herbie - the mystical, magical, possibly-possessed-but-in-a-good-way VW bug that used to be a champion race car and all around problem solver for his owners (if anyone could use a problem solver …). Suddenly, Maggie and the boy she's crushing on, mechanic Kevin (Justin Long), realize Herbie is one special car, and decide to enter a racing tournament where the winner will take on NASCAR champ, all around jerk and family nemesis, Trip Murphy (Matt Dillon), for $10,000 - the kind of money her father and brother's (Breckin Meyer) failing race team could use to stay afloat (I'm not going there). Can Maggie and Herbie win the big race? Herbie: Fully Loaded is one of those movies Lohan-haters wait for, so they can unload invective and anger, but it's not bad enough to fulfill their desires. Kids will love Herbie: Fully Loaded, while the rest of us will see its faults and only be slightly annoyed. The team of writers (Thomas Lennon & Ben Garant and Alfred Gough & Miles Millar) and director Angela Robinson create a basic movie with the usual, if not boring, checklist of teen angst including the daughter who wants to defy her overly protective father to follow her dreams, a family dealing with the loss of a mother/wife, and the young lady pining away awkwardly for the boy of her dreams. Then, they add a bit of Elvis to the mix as Maggie and the team have to win the big race (and don't sing half as good as The King), but Herbie: Fully Loaded fails with adults because it goes too far with too many races to win, too much unbelievable silliness and overly stiff acting. However, it's all because this movie is supposed to appeal to kids, not anyone over the age of 10-years old, so take it for what it's worth. The film is a huge step backwards for Lohan, who was so wonderful and likable in Mean Girls. That film was a virtual debutante ball for Lindsay, signaling the beginning of her adult career (not in a naughty, Paris Hilton way), but Herbie: Fully Loaded is like getting sent back to elementary school. She is too mature, hard and abrasive for this role. Lohan's voice is too gravely, and the red hair much too sexy, but you have to wonder if this was the movie she expected when cashing the check, so don't beat up on her too much. Also, Dillon is too obviously made into the over-the-top villain who is so dastardly they should just play the evil music behind him when he walks onto the screen. Too often, Trip is too stupid for words as he starts to think Herbie is after him, and believes he is going crazy. Once again, Dillon is a professional actor earning his paycheck and doing what he's told, so think highly of him once you get to see Crash. Overall, Herbie: Fully Loaded has some fun and lightheartedness until Robinson and crew add too many twists towards the end and attempt to extend the length of the movie with unnecessary events instead of better dialogue and character development. I guess they needed to cram in some cameos from NASCAR superstars Jeff Gordon and Dale Jarrett, and couldn't come up with a better idea. Thankfully, Disney didn't buy the naming rights to a NASCAR race and call it, The Herbie: Fully Loaded 400, but I'll be watching to see if Herbie is the pace car out at Sonoma this weekend. 2 Waffles (Out Of 4) Copyright 2005 - WaffleMovies.com
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