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Back Shelf Beauties
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Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen I know what you are going to say, "Willie, you are a 32-year old heterosexual man. There is no way you could ever enjoy this movie." You're right. Lindsay Lohan stars as Mary - a 15-year old Manhattanite who likes to call herself Lola and has to live with the utter devastation of her family moving to Dellwood, New Jersey. Like all kids in the movies who end up moving to a new town, she is tempted to become one of the cool kids, but makes friends with the outcastes, who are nice to her from the beginning. This decision and Lola/Mary/Whatever's New York fabulousness in the face of regular, suburban New Jersey folks leads to a feud with Carla Santini (Megan Fox), the leader of the ultra-cool kids. After scuffling over the lead in the school play, the fight moves to who can score tickets to a huge rock concert and invitations to the big after-party. Carla is covered, but Lola/Mary/Whatever claims that she and her new pal, Ella (Alison Pill), will also be there. Of course, they don't have tickets or invitations, and the teen hilarity ensues. Will Lola/Mary/Whatever and Ella get into the concert and party? The biggest problem with Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen is the lack of a coherent plot and theme. Is this supposed to be a morality tale about the downfalls of lying? Is it supposed to be a road trip epic as Lola/Mary/Whatever and Ella chase their dreams? Is it supposed to be about how one needs to be true to one's self? I can't figure it out and writer Gail Parent doesn't help as we ping pong from one plot to another until the movie finally falls apart under the weight of its own incompetence and an ending that comes too long after the natural resolution. What I have laid out is a mere portion of this movie that also includes a burgeoning romance for Lola/Mary/Whatever, Ella's growth from wallflower to empowered woman (which comes after a night of debauchery, which is just the message you want to send to your teen daughter) and something about Lola/Mary/Whatever learning to appreciate the town and her family a little bit more. Those are all nice components, but director Sara Sugarman does not present them in an entertaining and meaningful way. Sugarman relies too much on visual tricks and the creation of music videos within the movie, while all of the plots and sub-plots are tossed together. It's a case of sacrificing substance for sizzle. While some of these asides are cute, like Lola/Mary/Whatever's tale of her father's supposed demise, others are unnecessary, like the closing dream sequence. I would have appreciated a more focused story instead of one that picks up on a plot, runs with it for 20 minutes, then drops it to move onto the next as if Parent and Sugarman can't come up with enough material to make one idea work, so they have to clumsily tie together a few ideas to make a full length movie. Also, Sugarman pushes some of her actors to be as silly and over the top as possible, especially poor Carol Kane, who portrays the dimwitted spinster teacher, while others are supposed to be normal with flashes of kookiness. The mix doesn't work well for me since the crazy is too crazy within this framework and comes off as absolutely silly and nonsensical next to the other, normal characters. Lohan is fine in the lead and provides some entertainment when in full drama queen mode, while Glenne Headley is left to be the understanding Mom who gives the meaningful, emotion-filled glance to her daughter when needed. Ultimately, the decision to see this movie comes down to whether you are a Lindsay Lohan person or a Hilary Duff person. As you might know, Lohan and Duff are big time rivals in and out of the business, and who you support is about as important to today's teens as whether you supported The Rolling Stones or The Beatles was to teens in the 60's. Why are they rivals? Lohan used to date pop star Aaron Carter, until Duff snatched him up and showed up on his arm at the premiere of Lohan's Freaky Friday (what a way to find out that your boyfriend has eyes for someone else). Since turn about is fair play, Lindsay showed up at a party celebrating the premiere of Hilary's Cheaper by the Dozen, which led to Duff and/or her mother demanding that she be removed. That's because Duff Mom believed that Lohan might have been behind a recent egging of Hilary's car. Add to the mess that both are trying to kick start pop music careers and the two often competed for the same roles while at Disney, and you have a good old fashioned hate growing between these two that should keep the gossip pages full for years, no matter how much they claim to want to bury the hatchet. If you have graduated from high school, Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen probably won't be your idea of a great night out. 1 Waffle (Out of 4) Copyright 2004 - WaffleMovies.com
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