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Back Shelf Beauties
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Willie vs. Nature, Part II A few months ago, you might remember I had a problem with my telephone line. I went back and forth with the phone company for a few weeks (and was getting nowhere), until one smart employee decided to examine the line itself. It turned out my line ran from the pole over a tree branch and to my house. Upon inspection, the phone tech discovered the problem - the telephone line had been chewed through by squirrels! I was shocked, and devastated. I always viewed squirrels as my natural ally in the battle against our mutual enemy and true scourge of the neighborhood - The Rats. I couldn't believe I had been the victim of a squirrel attack, and the last few months have been uneasy ones as the squirrels and I had our falling out and started to look suspiciously at each other. There was alot of bad blood, and many questions to be answered. Was this a rogue squirrel carrying out an unauthorized attack on me? Had I upset my natural allies and suffered the consequences when the Tony Soprano of squirrels ordered revenge? What would I have to do to make it up to them? However, Wednesday night may have solved all lingering doubts. I was walking home from the movie theater at 10 PM. While I live in the city, it is a quiet, safe neighborhood, and the streets are barren at that time of night. The occasional bus or car goes by, but I rarely run into other people walking around. As I approached a tree, I started to hear a scratching noise. I was about one foot away when A RAT came running around from the other side of the tree, just one foot away from my face, at eye level! Holy #$%@^%$! Suffice to say, I didn't stick around to ask him his name, or take a picture for verification. I started running down the street (hoping I didn't wake up any neighbors with my manly bellows). Once I got home, it hit me. RATS CAN CLIMB TREES?!?!?!?! In all of my years, I never realized they had the ability to do so, but I did some research on the Internet, and discovered it was so. Who knew? Now, it all made sense. It wasn't squirrels that chewed through my telephone line. It was The Rats. YOU DIRTY RATS! They cut off my main line of communication and caused a rift between me and my allies in the great neighborhood war. What devious little bastards! We're onto you now! The squirrels and I will make amends and fight together, side-by-side, once again. Rats Beware! Copyright 2006 - WaffleMovies.com
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