Back Shelf Beauties
by Willie Waffle
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Stick
It
I should have known I was in trouble when I saw the rest of the theater was
full of 12-15 year old girls who came to see Stick
It as soon as they got out of school, and one 15-year old boy
who was there making out with his girlfriend the whole time. At least, he
got something out of the deal. I was stuck feeling like a pervert, and wishing
I could leave.
Missy Peregrym stars as Haley Graham - a once great gymnast, who walked out
of the world championships and cost her team a trip to the Olympics. Since
then, the girl has been finding trouble everywhere she turns and rebelling
against her horrible parents. After getting arrested for destruction of property,
she catches a break and gets sent to the Vickerman Gymnastics Academy run
by a Burt Vickerman (Jeff Bridges) - a once great coach who is haunted by
injuries to his students and his bad reputation for misleading parents. She
doesn't want to be there, and the other gymnasts are very unhappy to have
such a traitor and quitter in their midst, but Haley's only chance to get
out and have a decent life is to perform well at the upcoming competitions.
Can Haley pull it together and learn a valuable lesson?
Stick It ranks among my all time most
moronic, incompetent, and ridiculous movies. It's not the script that feels
like it was written by a 13-year old school drop out. It's not the pointless
plot that just picks up and goes wherever it wants on a whim. It's not the
rebels without a clue characters who seem to be fighting against a system
they chose to be a part of. It's ALL of it.
Writer/director Jessica Bendinger has delivered a film so reprehensible it
makes me wonder if she should ever work again. Her last writing gig was
Aquamarine, a decent and enjoyable movie, but that was based on someone else's
novel, so maybe Bendinger should stick to working with other people's ideas
since her own are not worth the electricity used to power her computer while
typing out an original script. From her own mind springs fart jokes, doofus
buddies, dialogue that does very little to reveal something about the characters
or inspire the audience and the worst plot development you have ever seen.
It's like Bendinger knows she has to do something to develop the plot, but
doesn't know how, so she just throws stuff at the audience and hopes to distract
us with several montages of scantily clad leotard wearing jail bait girls
working out, dancing, performing their gymnastics routines and acting as
sassy as possible. Then, we have the close ups of young ladies getting glue
sprayed on their butts, so their leotards stay in place during competition.
If you are under 18, YAY! If you are older, SHAME ON YOU!
Bendinger never develops the story about Haley's parents, desperately tries
to add some attitude with attempts at creating buzz words like "deja jealous"
or "Pariah Carey", drops a huge bomb in the plot with no build up to it,
and reduces every character to an immature, sniveling, insufferable, asinine
brat. However, you can't put all of the blame on the story. The cast isn't
all that great either.
I don't know or care how much money Bridges might owe the Mafia, but he should
have let them break his legs instead of appearing in
Stick It. I sincerely hope it's for the
money, because it's not for the script or story. Also, Peregrym is beautiful
enough to be a model, and should pursue that work, since her acting stinks.
She is stiff and phony all the way through with no ability to command the
screen if she didn't have a nice body (she's 27, so I can say that).
Finally, the worst part of Stick It is
the diatribe against the gymnastics judges. The girls and go off when they
feel the judges are being too hard on them, too judgmental and strictly
interpreting the rules. Instead of acting constructively, they whine about
it and act out an immature, childish, unrealistic way that plays out like
a 13-year old's fantasy revenge plot.
Stick It stinks.
-1 Waffles (Out Of
4)
Copyright 2006 - WaffleMovies.com
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