WaffleMovies.com

While contemporary superhero movies like Batman, Batman Begins, the Spider-Man trilogy and even the X-Men have evolved to dive deeper into the darker motivations, feeling and actions of the subjects, The Fantastic Four are content to be the hackneyed vaudeville act with jokes older and staler than a box of crackers you find in the back of the cabinet when you go looking for a good midnight snack the day before visiting the grocery store (I don't care how hungry you might be, head off to 7-11 for something, anything better than that).  

As the sequel begins, we learn the Fantastic Four have become media celebrities with paparazzi and fans following their every move, and the impending nuptials of Dr. Reed Richards (Ioan Gruffudd) and Susan Storm (Jessica Alba) are being treated as the hottest wedding since Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones, or Tony Parker and Eva Longoria.  Of course, happiness is not in the cards for our superheroes (or most people who buy tickets to see the movie), since a mysterious intergalactic silver dude on a silver surf board (voice by Laurence Fishburne, modeling and movement by Doug Jones) has been appearing all across the globe causing odd disturbances that change matter and seem to suck up energy of any sort.  Now, the U.S. Army and old Richards foe, General Hager (Andre Braugher), have come looking for help to stop this Silver Surfer, and have brought along another nemesis thought to be long gone (Don’t worry, he appears early enough in the movie to where this nugget of information will not ruin it for fans. The writing and acting will ruin it for fans). 

Can The Fantastic Four stop the Silver Surfer?  What is his goal?  From where does he get his power?  How much caffeine must be consumed for you to care?

The Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer is silly and simple in all of the wrong ways.  While they have always been campier and more comedic than other superheroes, director Tim Story and writers Don Payne and Mark Frost are going overboard with the constant stream of one-liners and jokes that appear incessantly and annoyingly throughout the movie, even in more dramatic and emotional moments that are ruined by the need to slip in another chuckle.  To appeal to the lowest common denominator, we are flooded with cheap laughs like The Thing (Michael Chiklis) rudely and massively burping into another man’s face, the lamest bachelor party in the history of mankind and cheesy reactions, twists and turns like you might see on a sit com such as The Brady Bunch (I love the Bunch, too, but you have to admit it’s pretty cheesy when you look back on it).       

Even worse, Story and the team fail to develop the Silver Surfer, who is an interesting character (once we get some inkling into his background).  The result is a movie that feels like a missed opportunity and leaves the ultimate climax rushed and out of nowhere, when we could have been building dramatically to the big revelation.  We don’t really get enough information about the other nemesis, his sudden return or how he has learned so much about the silver surfer, but we are supposed to accept it because the actor was probably still under contract and the studio wanted to fit him in worried the “winning” formula would be disrupted without him.  We don’t learn why Richards and Hager hate each other so much, but we’re supposed to understand that they do hate each other when they exchange evil and suspicious looks (oooooooh).  Stuff like that happens all through the movie, so accept it or get out. 

However, the most laughs I got out of the movie were the unintentional ones brought on by poor Jessica Alba.  Even for portraying a cartoon character, Alba lacks depth and has a frightening vacancy in her eyes you normally only see in goldfish.  Her acting when using force fields to push objects or trap other characters is more reminiscent of someone with constipation than a tough hero kicking butt or mightily and valiantly struggling for good and justice.  Then, cute and pretty get in the way of her portraying anger with any believability.  For the next one, Story and the Fox marketing team need to take advantage of Alba’s greatest assets by spreading rumors she has an “accidental” nipple slip at some point in the film.  She doesn’t need to show any skin, but enough tickets will be sold to make the lie worth it. 

The Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer has some cool scenes with the Silver Surfer as he battles our heroes and flies around Earth, but the best parts of the story never get developed enough to help save a cheesy movie determined to ruin the mood with every ill conceived one-liner. 

1 Waffle (Out of 4)

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer is rated PG for sequences of action violence, some mild language (The Thing says, "Crap" many many many times) and innuendo. 

Copyright 2007 - WaffleMovies.com

Click here to buy posters!