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After seeing the trailers and commercials for this one, I was convinced it would be utterly detestable, but it turns out Deck The Halls is only majorly annoying.  I guess that is a step up.

Matthew Broderick stars as Steve Finch – a popular optician in a small western Massachusetts town.  His favorite time of the year, Christmas, is upon them, but this year is going to be a bit different.  While Steve likes to think of himself as the town’s Christmas guy, his new neighbor, Buddy (Danny DeVito), wants to do something special.  To accomplish something of note in his life, Buddy decides to decorate his house as brightly as possible, so it can be seen from outerspace via a web site that features satellite photos.  Along the way, Steve and Buddy form a rivalry that drives them, their families and the whole town crazy. 

Will Buddy accomplish his goal?  Will Buddy and Steve kill each other before it is all said and done?

Director John Whitesell and writers Matt Corman, Chris Ord and Don Rhymer (which I think is a fake name.  A writer named Rhymer?) fill Deck The Halls with every cliché from every Christmas movie you have ever seen before.  Heck, I think they put in every cliché from every movie made.  The result is a film forcefully trying to be emotional and tender, while failing horribly to touch you where it counts (that’s the HEART for those of you with a dirty mind).  Pratfalls and other physical comedy are predictable and worn out, like a sleigh falling into the ice.  Sight gags are overly familiar as well, like a house so ostentatiously decorated you would rather live next door to the Amityville Horror.  Worst of all, this supposedly wacky comedy is not outrageous enough, not crazy enough, not daring enough to be memorable.  Whitesell and company always pull the punch instead of going for something original or dark (or funny).  The result is a movie not good enough as heartfelt holiday fare, and not funny enough for a comedy.    

Even the casting and acting is dreadful.  Much like in The Producers, Broderick seems lost and unsure of his comic footing, which is surprising for a guy who knew how to act up until 2005.  He needs to be more assertive as an actor, even if the character is supposed to be milquetoast.  When Buddy and Steve start to engage in the battle, Broderick needs to show us Steve’s eye of the tiger, some dark spark that proves he could be this mean to drive Buddy away, but he produces more of a kitty cat whimpering for milk.  DeVito does what he can with a typical crass, rude and oblivious character, but are we supposed to believe that the two tall model-looking twins with legs that go all the way from New York to Los Angeles who play his daughters came from his loins?  Again, the cliché of hot twin sisters wins out over something more realistic, or interesting (like making the whole family as crazy as Buddy).  Kristen Davis and Kristen Chenoweth soldier on as the wives, but I think they deserve some sort of hazard pay for getting through this movie. 

In the end, Deck The Halls solves its crisis too easily, forces an MTV tie-in down our throats, fails to make us misty eyed, and pushes an absurd, overly sentimental, feel good ending on us like a Christmas tree salesman tries to unload the scrawny tree with bare spots on the moron who buys his tree on Christmas Eve.  Even Whitesell fills every TV screen in the movie with scenes of better Christmas movies, ones he probably wishes he was directing, and we definitely wish we were watching instead of Deck The Halls. 

½ Waffle (Out Of 4)

Deck The Halls is rated PG for some crude and suggestive humor and for language. 

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