I have mentioned this
before, but the movie critic life is not all Spider-Man premieres,
contemplating which films will win Oscars, and interviews with hot
babes like
Laura Linney, Scarlett Johansson and Reese Witherspoon.
Sometimes, it means you are sitting in a
movie theater with no air conditioning (which must be registering
something
like 85 degrees because it made me SERIOUSLY think about taking off my
pants to
cool down), smelling some sort of rotting hot dog relish for two hours
(because
the odor has permeated the entire area and somehow ended up in my
nostrils
FOREVER), and wondering why some moron brought his pregnant wife and
3-year old
child to an R-rated movie full of violence, blood and brutal
hand-to-hand
combat (will I see this lovely cherub on the news some day for beating
his
parents to death?). Yes,
for a night,
while watching The Condemned, I felt like one of the condemned, but not
so much
because of the movie.
Stone Cold Steve Austin
stars as Jack – a mysterious death row prisoner brought in at
the last moment
to complete the cast for what promises to be the most violent,
repulsive reality
program ever. Producer
Ian Breckel
(Robert Mammone) has found 10 death row inmates from third world
prisons around
world, placed them on a remote island, and told them the one who is
still alive
after 30 hours will be granted his or her freedom.
Of course, the island is full of cameras to
broadcast the death match on the internet to those willing to pay $50.
Will Jack be able to survive,
so he can get back to those he loves?
Who is this guy anyway?
The Condemned is all about
the cheesy dialogue, loud pounding music, and Stone Cold Steve Austin
growling,
scowling and looking mean, while the women in the movie run around in
tight tank
tops designed to show off their ample décolletage. Knowing that going in,
you’ll probably accept
the movie for what it is, and find some entertainment among all of the
mayhem.
However, The Condemned is a
movie that wants to have its cake and eat it, too.
On the one hand, director/co-writer Scott
Wiper understands this is a movie about the violence, how each
character may
meet their demise, highlighting Stone Cold in action, and letting the
actors
enjoy their delivery of dialogue designed to make us laugh more than
move or
shock us (especially Vinnie Jones as the over-the-top,
chew-up-the-scenery Brit
menace who makes you appreciate his almost completely comedic take on
the
character.).
In that respect, The Condemned delivers what you expect, most of the time.
Most of Austin’s
fight scenes are incomprehensible and impossible to follow as Wiper
shoots them
with the steadiness of a cameraman fresh out of rehab who is still
suffering
from the tremors. It’s
blurry and the
camera shakes so much you don’t see what is happening, which
cheats Austin, who
is a professional wrestler who can excel with the choreographed fight
scenes
(even if he does have an injured neck that limits him).
Sure, this movie has a very
familiar plot (I found it very reminiscent of Arnold
Schwarzenegger’s Running
Man, while others have pointed out it is quite like Battle Royale), but
the
action can be decent enough, Stone Cold makes for a traditional tough
talking
hero (who doesn’t have much acting range, but who cares for
this movie), and we
have a clear idea of who are the good guys, and who are the bad guys. They even make some
attempts at making it
more interesting by exploring Jack’s real background, so give
‘em points for
trying, but take a few points away for cramming most of the death
scenes into
the last 30 minutes of The Condemned instead of pacing it and spacing
everything out better.
Yet, Wiper and his co-writer
Rob Hedden also throw a plot point and theme into The Condemned which
is about
the shame people who made such a violent internet program should feel
as they
exploit a public full of blood lust, and the shame people who watch
this should
feel for seeing it all as entertainment.
Isn’t this the pot calling the kettle
black? Do Hedden
and Wiper think they have any right
to take the moral high ground as heinousness is portrayed on the screen
with
zeal and in ways to encourage the crowd to applaud?
Is anyone going to The Condemned because
Stone Cold Steve Austin is the next Tom Hanks, Denzel Washington or
George
Clooney? Do we
expect to see Austin
at the Oscars this
year for this movie? NO!!!!!
(but you
know he would totally hit it off with Helen Mirren, I would pay to see
that) They made a
movie about how people
die violently and sold tickets to people who want to see other people
die
violently (and, in their minds, die in cool ways).
The Condemned might have
been better if it embraced what it was, avoided trying to have a
serious moral
and heavy examination that is hollow considering the circumstances, and
hired a
better camera person who wouldn’t make me feel like I got off
The Cyclone at Coney Island.
You’ll laugh at the right moments, react
with shock and horror at the
most violent of scenes and promise your girlfriend/wife you will
accompany her
to the next Reese Witherspoon or Julia Roberts romantic comedy.
1
½
Waffles (Out Of 4)
The
Condemned is
rated R for pervasive strong brutal violence and
for language.
Copyright
2007 - WaffleMovies.com
