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Around The World In 80 Days Sometimes, a movie is so bad I can't wait to get home and start ripping it to shreds with a scathing review (it's my little revenge). Around The World In 80 Days is so uninspiring and bland, I can't even muster the energy or imagination to do that. It's yucky. Set in the late 1800's, Jackie Chan stars as Passepartout - a mysterious Chinese warrior who has robbed the Bank of England. By circumstance, he ends up taking the job as valet for eccentric and kooky inventor Phileas Fogg (Steven Coogan). Fogg is the outcast of the British Royal Academy of Science, and always earns the ire of its leader, Lord Kelvin (Jim Broadbent), for his out of the ordinary experiments and wild imagination. One day, during a debate, Fogg bets Kelvin that he can travel around the world in 80 days via modern methods, or give up inventing and science for the rest of his life. If Fogg is successful, he will become the new leader of the Academy. Can Fogg and Passepartout make it around the world in 80 days? Why did Passepartout rob the Bank of England? Around The World In 80 Days is two movies shoved together as one. On the one hand, we have a Jackie Chan action film full of hand-to-hand judo fighting and Chan's signature creativity (the opening credits go out of the way to remind us that Chan is the choreographer of these fights). On the other hand, we are presented with a remake of Around The World In 80 Days that has nothing to do with all of the Jackie Chan plot developments. Neither one needs the other, so we are left wondering why we need it shoved together, or need it at all. Around The World In 80 Days is full of formulaic elements and silly slapstick comedy all executed at the B-level by director Frank Coraci and a team of three writers (David Titcher, David Benullo, and David Goldstein, who should form a writing team or rock group called The Three Davids). First, we have many surprise cameos, which usually inject energy and excitement into a movie, but, aside from Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger as lusty Turkish Prince Hapi, the other "big" surprises are non-household names that won't have you rushing for the theater or laughing at the ingenious casting. Instead of being cameos, it's more like they auditioned for the roles and got them when no one else was interested. Second, we are presented with a wacky, stupid detective, Inspector Fix (Ewen Bremmer), who is subject to physical abuse as he chases Fogg and Passepartout around the globe, but that element is dropped quickly after his series of pratfalls come off as stupid and cruel instead of funny. Finally, we have the standard, uninspiring, typical, run of the mill love story between two opposites who fall in love after a whirlwind adventure (not Passepartout and Fogg, which would have been original, it's Fogg and a female French artist they pick up along the way). The Three Davids fail to provide any interesting dialogue, Coraci can't make any of this feel special, and they combine to present a stupid ending you can see coming from a mile away, while failing to develop Lord Kelvin's sub-plot which might be important to the movie, but confuses rather than has an impact. Jackie Chan keeps saying he wants to do serious work and get away from typical Jackie Chan movies (a claim I read every time one of his new movies debuts), yet, he keeps making junk like Around The World In 80 Days. With his money, he could pull a Mel Gibson and produce a small little dramatic film of the type he claims to be interested in, so why not do it instead of whining about it? I'll believe Chan when he puts his money where his mouth is. He is entertaining and tries so hard to make this movie work, but, aside from his creative fights scenes, can't save the film. Everyone else just passes through the movie without adding anything special, and not standing out from the horrible material. Around The World In 80 Days is a loser. 1 Waffle (Out Of 4) Copyright 2004 - WaffleMovies.com
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