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Back Shelf Beauties
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Without A Paddle At least Harold and Kumar were stoned (and funny), but the guys in Without A Paddle have no acceptable excuse. When characters are this stupid in a movie, they deserve to be eaten by a bear. Any chance there are some sharks in the Oregon rivers? Matthew Lillard, Seth "he's better than this" Green and Dax Shepard star as Jerry, Dan and Tom - three buddies who used to go on wild childhood adventures fueled by their imaginations. Now, they are 30 years old, their days of playing Indiana Jones are behind them, and the gang is brought together for a friend's funeral back home in Oregon. All three are at different stages of life, but they all regretfully agree growing up and being men who have careers, responsibilities and wives is just around the corner (OH DEAR GOD! THEY HAVE TO BE ADULTS AFTER TURNING 30!). As they reflect on childhood memories, the gang discovers their deceased pal has stumbled across something big. Secretly, he was tracking the whereabouts of the legendary D.B. Cooper - a middle aged man in 1971 who hijacked a plane flying from Portland to Seattle for $200,000 in ransom money, then disappeared into night after parachuting to what was considered his death (even though no body was ever found, and he never surfaced in society again, amazing story if you want to learn more). The pal has left everything these three need to continue the search, and possibly, find the $200,000. Will Jerry, Dan and Tom be able to find D.B. Cooper's treasure? Does it exist? Can they survive in the wild? Without A Paddle is a celebration of idiocy and everything uncouth. With a script using elements of many movies that came before it (The Big Chill, Wrong Turn, Deliverance, and many more) and a series of goofball antics more moronic than entertaining, Without A Paddle is a horribly made movie that feels forced and staged due to the acting and the script. For example, I think I heard every old joke ever told a zillion times over by every camper in the history of camping. Classics like explaining to a friend, " I just have to outrun you," to escape a bear chase, and a graphic reference to bears pooing in the woods pass for the best comedy they can come up with. Plus, let's not forget the always-reliable homoerotic fear of using their body heat to stay warm! Then, Burt Reynolds shows up and makes me realize he CAN fall farther than hosting ESPN Classics' Reel Classics Sunday night movie. He is Burt Freaking Reynolds! Smoky and the Bandit shouldn't be reduced to a walk on role that doesn't take advantage of the Deliverance reference. (By the way, if anyone from Disney, ABC or ESPN is reading this, hosting Reel Classics on ESPN Classic Sundays as 8 PM is a step down for Burt, but a major opportunity for a guy like me if you ever want to discover TV's next great rising star!) Worst of all, half way through the movie, Without A Paddle forgets its plot about searching for treasure and focuses on the easy, lame, seen-this-before plot about two backwoods hicks chasing the trio because a big secret was revealed. This gives writers Jay Leggett and Mitch Rouse a chance to air out every moldy oldie dumb country guys joke they have in the arsenal. All of it finally comes to an end with a ridiculous resolution that will make you gag if you are anything like me. Without A Paddle is the movie 14-year old boys will love. Good for them. 1 Waffle (out of 4) Copyright 2004 - WaffleMovies.com
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