Sometimes, the hack writer in me must come forth because it is my most
honest reaction. War Horse
should be called Bore Horse.
Jeremy Irvine stars as Albert – the teen boy in a farming
family facing all sorts of troubles (because farmers in movies ALWAYS
face horrible troubles, including pestilence, drought, too much rain,
livestock riddled with disease, destruction of crops in general and
more). His father, Ted (Peter Mullen), has purchased a beautiful horse
for the farm, but it doesn’t appear to be the kind of
workhorse they need to plow the tough field. Caring very much for the
four-legged pal, Albert does everything he can to help train the horse
and take care of him.
As World War I begins, the horse is sold to the cavalry, and Albert
vows to find his pal wherever the war horse (bore horse) may end up.
Can this horse survive the war?
Can Albert ever track him down thousands of miles away from home?
Please, don’t make me watch War
Horse ever again. Steven
Spielberg is a great director, but it feels like he is making War
Horse for an audience from a
bygone day and age. Sure, he might be making a World War I movie in the
style of an old fashioned, traditional, stereotypical Oscar-hyped
movie, but dedication to how it looks overshadows and stunts the growth
of every other aspect of War
The script from Richard Curtis and Lee Hall (based on the novel by
Michael Morpurgo) is nonexistent as Spielberg is fascinated with
providing sweeping, grandiose visions instead of grabbing the story by
the tail (or should I say tale?) and delivering a massive body blow to
your heart and soul.
Character development is tossed out the window as
each character feels like a caricature. Not only do the Germans and
French speak perfect English (complete with a joke about it in the
movie), but their accents are cartoonish, while each character and
story is overly simple, complete with a big climax that might have you
guffawing and mocking, instead of cheering and clapping.
might get you away from the family for two and a half hours during the
holiday season, but you will pay for your desire to abandon your loved
ones (no matter how much they may be bickering).
Horse is rated PG-13 for intense sequences of war violence