Back Shelf Beauties
by Willie Waffle
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Unleashed
Unleashed is one of those truly cursed
movies that never had a chance from the moment writer Luc Besson sat down
at his computer and typed out the script. Maybe someone should rub his nose
in the script, so Besson will never do it again.
Jet Li stars as Danny the Dog - a slave trained by a Scottish loan shark,
Bart (Bob Hoskins), to be the ultimate killing machine. Kept like a dog in
a cage and collar, Danny is treated badly to make him nastier and more deadly
when commanded to do the bidding of his twisted master. One day, Danny is
separated from Bart and forms a friendship with Sam (Morgan Freeman) - a
wise blind man who tunes pianos for a living while raising a deceased friend's
18-year old daughter, Victoria (Kerry Condon). Sam brings him home like a
stray puppy and starts to educate Danny about the world, but you have a feeling
danger is never far away.
Will Danny's past come back to haunt him? Will it put Sam and Victoria in
danger?
Some movies are badly conceived, but
Unleashed is laughably unfathomable and
only gets worse as characters make decisions that are beyond ridiculous and
we learn more about the background of each one. Are we truly supposed to
believe a man like Sam will bring home a strange, weird acting, somewhat
violent guy to live with an 18-year old girl in the house? Sam is blind,
but not dumb. Are we supposed to believe certain characters would keep key
pieces of evidence that will ultimately lead to their downfall once found?
I guess that's just so Besson and director Louis Leterrier have some way
to end the madness they call a movie. Are we supposed to believe a man like
Danny could be controlled like this when he sees the outside world on a regular
basis, hears the conversations of others, can kick the living junk out of
everyone else and harbors some intelligence? The rest of the film is just
as absurd from premise to execution.
Hoskins, Li, Condon and Freeman all earnestly try to make their characters
work, but the idiotic dialogue and scenarios betray their efforts. Hoskins'
rants, raves and white suits make him into a grimy underworld Boss Hogg who
only lacks some Duke boys to chase around Hazzard. Freeman plays the wise
old man role better than just about anyone in the business, but his speeches
and metaphors used to educate Danny (especially the moment when Sam tells
Danny he's just like family) are third rate (blame the writing), often resulting
in unintentional comedy that starts uncontrollable giggling in the audience.
Victoria's naiveté as an 18-year old in modern times, especially an
18-year old supposedly living in the roughest neighborhood in all of Scotland,
is beyond unbelievable and hopelessly carried out by Condon as she tries
to grin and bear it, probably thankful she found a role where she didn't
have to do some nudity (However, because she's a young, pretty girl, Condon
likely will be forced to do an almost pornographic photo spread for some
hormonally charged men's magazine like
FHM, Stuff
or Maxim. It's a sad right
of passage for today's young actresses.). Finally, Li is along to show his
amazing skills in the fight scenes, but his attempts at winning our sympathy
as Danny as he is filled with amazement and the wonder of discovery at the
world around him causes the most chuckles.
Unleashed should be sent to the doghouse
not the Cineplex. The fight scenes are cool, but nothing else in this movie
is worth seeing for the first time or ever again.
-1 Waffle (Out of 4)
Copyright 2005 - WaffleMovies.com
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