Back Shelf Beauties
by Willie Waffle
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The
Man
Granted, it's easy for me to feel sorry for myself after being subjected
to The Man starring Samuel L. Jackson
and Eugene Levy. Being required to review a film you know will be bad is
like being tied to the train tracks and hearing the whistle getting closer
and closer. However, I am not the critic who felt the most pain that evening.
After a very awkward and obvious product placement for
USA Today, every single critic in the
screening decided to have a little fun with our pal Mike Clarke, lead critic
for USA Today, who happened to be there
with us. The poor guy was the subject of intense ribbing, jocularity and
all around poking of fun, even though we all know the marketing department
is guilty of such "genius" product placement. We really rubbed it in. I'm
glad he can take a joke because it was the only funny one any of us heard
all night long.
Jackson stars as ATF agent Derrick Vann - a streetwise, Detroit-based, tough
as nails, take no BS cop who doesn't trust anyone. A mastermind criminal
has stolen a large amount of guns and other firepower from the ATF, and Vann's
partner was killed in the process because he was probably in on it. Now,
Vann has Internal Affairs breathing down his neck and accusing him of being
an accessory, so he sets out to catch the thieves and retrieve the guns to
clear his name. Vann establishes a sting operation to catch the thieves,
but something goes awry.
Andy Fidler (Levy) - a mild mannered, Midwestern dental supply salesman in
town for a conference is the wrong man in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Accidentally, he ends up exactly where Vann has set up the sting, so the
gun thieves think Andy is some sort of international criminal ready to buy
the guns. You know what that means. Vann and Andy are forced
to partner up to catch the thieves (oh how the hilarity will ensue).
Will Vann get his man? Is Andy able to carry out the plan without blowing
it? Is Vann guilty?
Let's make sure we keep the characters straight. Jackson plays the tough
guy, streetwise cop. Levy plays the fish out of water, naïve Midwesterner.
Waffle plays the bored out his mind critic who doesn't laugh at the jokes
and keeps looking at his watch while praying for mercy. Gee, we've NEVER
seen a movie where two opposite characters who mix like oil and water have
to resolve their differences, find some common ground, learn to respect each
other and overcome an obstacle! Worst of all, this movie was so bad, I woke
up the next morning with a horrible cold, and I blame
The Man. The germs must have jumped off
the screen and into my body as I sat mouth agape at how dreadful this movie
is.
Frankly, it's hard to pick the movie's worst moments, since it is full of
so many. Is it the long, unfunny, obnoxious scene where we learn meat causes
gastrointestinal distress for Andy, and have to listen to it for longer than
anyone over the age of 8-years old will find funny? Is it the lack of chemistry
between Levy and Jackson that leaves Jackson forcefully barking his lines
at the coasting-along-and-collecting-a- paycheck Levy? Is it the constant
reliance on clichés that were much funnier in other movies because
those moments had better dialogue and acting? Sure, it's all of it.
While Jim Piddock, Margaret Oberman and Steve Carpenter all worked on the
script, it appears none of them could come up with an original idea. They
are content to rely on scenes, twists and characters all done better in other
movies like 48 Hours,
Lethal Weapon,
Bringing Down The House and more (I think
the classically bad teaming of Eddie Murphy and Robert De Niro in
Showtime was even better than
this). However, Piddock, Oberman and Carpenter aren't content to let a little
potty humor be the only offensive part of the movie. No, they must have Vann
threaten a street thug by telling him, "I'll beat you like a runaway slave."
That line rubbed me the wrong way as one of the most inappropriate and ridiculous
lines of dialogue I have seen in 2005.
Jackson does what he can by bringing an edge and toughness to Vann, but the
role isn't much of a challenge. He snarls in the right moments, yells at
Levy with as much believability as he can muster and projects as much attitude
as any one man ever could in a movie (chewing the scenery along the way).
Of course, Levy is in the same boat trying to play the squarest, most uncool
man on the planet. He gets properly flustered in the right scenes and tries
to extract some laughs out of us as he ends up in situations that get worse
and worse as the movie goes on, but the material isn't there for him or Jackson.
The Man was a bad idea, badly executed.
0 Waffles (Out Of 4)
Copyright 2005 - WaffleMovies.com
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