The Switch

Jennifer Aniston is the star who lights up the screen in stinker after stinker, and captivates the attention of moviegoers and cultural critics who want to get some attention for themselves (What were you thinking Bill O'Reilly? Didn't you learn anything from Dan Quayle?)

Yet, here's the dirty little secret about her new movie, The Switch. It's really a Jason Bateman movie, so that makes it only half-atrocious.

I think you will find the first part of The Switch very familiar territory. Wally (Jason Bateman) and Kassie (Jennifer Aniston) have been pals forever since dating for a very short period of time years ago. However, Wally wants to break out of the Friend Zone and into Hubba Hubba You're So Cute and Sexy Land, so the poor dude spends his life quietly, painfully yearning away for his best gal pal.

Then, we get to the part that is a bit more unique.

Kassie, who hasn't found Mr. Right, decides it is time to answer the ticking of her biological clock. Instead of waiting around, she is going to be artificially inseminated by hunky outdoorsy Roland (Patrick Wilson). Of course, because this is supposed to be a comedy, Roland's donation is ruined when Wally gets horribly drunk, spills it everywhere, and has to replace it with his own donation (and was so drunk he doesn't remember a thing).

Seven years later, Kassie comes back to town with her beloved little Sebastian (Thomas Robinson) and he acts and looks a great deal more like Wally than Roland.

Will Wally remember what happened that fateful night?

What will he do when he realizes he is the Baby Daddy and still has strong feelings for Kassie?

Does Maury Povich need to get involved and conduct a DNA test?

I know I'm the first one to complain about how Hollywood needs to give us something we haven't seen before, but if this is the result, please give me 3 more Freddy Krueger movies and a remake of Gilligan's Island starring Zac Efron.

Just look back at how long it took me to describe the plot for you! In an attempt to be different and original, writer Allan Loeb (based on the short story by Jeffery Eugenides) has come up with an extremely contrived and forced plot. It's so unrealistic, you can't get past it no matter how hard Bateman, Aniston, Wilson and the rest of the cast try to bring heart and soul to it.

Even worse, directors Josh Gordon and Will Speck make The Switch kind of icky. The big switch is ridiculous. Instead of what you would consider to be a normal medical procedure led by a skilled doctor, Kassie is going with a Do It Yourself insemination in her own bathroom (is this kit on sale at Walgreen's?), which leads to the donation being spilled (graphically) after sitting on some sort of warming plate as Kassie and her pals have a party in the living room of her apartment. What??!?!?!?

Aniston delivers a typical performance that is not stunning, but not horrible either. I guess the biggest problem I have is that not one scene featuring her stands out. Part of this is the script, which doesn't give her any massive starmaking thespian moment, but she doesn't create one either.

Poor Bateman tries to squeeze out every bit of heart touching emotion he can from this dog, and his chemistry with Robinson, who brings about 1 million tons of cute to The Switch, provides some sweet and funny moments. However, it is hard to get past the Ick Factor, and the Bland, Not As Funny As I Hoped Factor.

The Switch is rated PG-13 for mature thematic content, sexual material including dialogue, some nudity, drug use and language.