The Smurfs

I'm sure it is one of the signs of the apocalypse, so I must warn you ahead of time. The Smurfs are skateboarding and rapping in this movie. What the Smurf!?!?!?!

Away in a magical forest where blue beings three apples tall live in collective harmony led by Papa Smurf (voice by Jonathan Winters) like one big family of 99 boys and 1 girl (you think poor Smurfette would get tired of all of those guys hitting on her, asking her out on dates and failing to create a Smurf TV version of Sex and The City, she can only watch so much football with the boy Smurfs), the evil wizard Gargamel (Hank Azaria) has come up with a plan to become the greatest, most powerful wizard of all by capturing Smurf essence, which promises to be painful for the Smurfs.

While chasing the Smurfs all around the forest, Gargamel, his cat Azrael, and several Smurfs get sucked into a giant vortex that drops them in the middle of Central Park. Now, Papa Smurf needs to figure out how to bring his fellow Smurfs back to the forest, while Gargamel continues to plot and carry out his dastardly plan against the smaller, more vulnerable group.

Can the Smurfs find their way home?

Can they handle the big bad evil New York City?

I have been loathing the night I would have to watch The Smurfs movie and every fear and grouchy reaction was completely justified.

The Smurfs fails because the creative team behind it doesn't want to embrace the charm, wonder, sweetness and innocence of the original Smurfs (the ones you fell in love with). Instead, they destroy all of that in an attempt to make them fit some stereotypical and wrongheaded idea of what "modern" audiences will find appealing (Hence, the skateboarding and rapping - two tired, predictable activities Hollywood execs, directors and writers think make a character hip, edgy, radical and EXTREME!).

Director Raja Gosnell and his four person writing team give us plenty of toilet humor, some of it involving actual toilets, which makes the jokes even more obvious than they need to be. Sure, they toss in a bunch of physical, slapstick humor to keep kids laughing, and some of it is funny thanks to Azaria, who walks a very thin tightrope between genius and ridiculousness (he's a modern day Jerry Lewis tossing everything against the wall, and finding some of it sticks).

Then, they give us some more randy Smurf references like "Holy Smurf" and "What the Smurf" and "I Smurfing love you," intertwined with some tired themes about family and taking chances. It's the kind of stuff you have seen a million times, and done better, which is why I felt bad for some of my favorite TV stars trying to make the jump into movies with this one. Sofia Vergara, Neil Patrick Harris and Jayma Mays all deserve better.

The cat is funny with his reactions to Gargamel's fumbling, and, when that is the highlight of the movie, you know it is time to spend that money on something other than a ticket to The Smurfs.

The Smurfs is rated PG for some mild rude humor and action.