Sex Tape
0.5 Waffles!

Cameron Diaz and Jason Segel are doing it all wrong. You don’t make the sex tape after you become famous. You make it to become famous and marry Kanye West. Duh!!!

Diaz and Segel star as Annie and Jay. In the most typical of plots, they have been married for several years, have a couple of kids, and lead busy work lives, so the lust has left the bedroom. Trying to balance work and kids has taken all of the passion out of their relationship, and they long for the days when they used to live like bunny rabbits.

To spice it up a bit, Annie and Jay decide to have a massive, epic romp where they will attempt every position in “The Joy of Sex” book, and capture it for their own satisfaction. Of course, they record it with their iPad, and Jay doesn’t delete it when he wants to erase the evidence of their wild night of passion.

Instead, it is accidentally sent out to every one of their friends and family who received an iPad from Annie and Jay (you might want to become friends with the people who give you an iPad as a gift, then send you a tape of Cameron Diaz naked).

Can Annie and Jay access each iPad and delete the sex tape before it is found?

Will they be able to prevent their Ode to Kardashian and Hilton from going viral?

I never thought a sex tape could be so boring!

This Sex Tape is horribly bad as Diaz and Segel stumble through the film as if no one wrote a script and they are the worst improvisational comics on the planet.

Director Jake Kasdan doesn’t give Sex Tape any rhythm or energy. It’s a disjointed movie where Diaz and Segel never truly find the groove or find any chemistry together as each scene is klunky and never ending.

Writers Kate Angelo, Nicholas Stoller and Segel can’t seem to conceive of what each scene is supposed to accomplish or how they are supposed to fit together, so, while each one starts as if it might be promising and funny, they all, eventually, become pointless and lost in some morass of bad timing and lack of material. The audience needs more repartee, more giggles and more surprises. Instead, we get forced jokes that aren’t funny from a group of actors struggling to make something out of nothing.

Plus, you have to wonder why Diaz and Segel were paired together in the first place. Sure, each one is very funny and talented, but not together.

The audience is supposed to believe these two characters are the perfect match for each other, and they have just temporarily lost their way, but we never feel passion between them when that’s what we are supposed to be seeing on screen. Segel looks like he is sleepwalking through most of Sex Tape, while Diaz is the consummate trouper attempting to wring an ounce of humor from a script lacking it.

Sex Tape starts slowly, drags in the middle and doesn’t know when to end.

Sex Tape is rated R for strong sexual content, nudity, language and some drug use.