New York, I Love You

I want to review this movie, but it is such a mess, I don't know where to begin. Not even an appearance by Blake Lively was enough to make me happy when I went to see New York, I Love You, so you know there is no hope.

New York, I Love You is a compilation of several small vignettes taking place all across New York City, but I can't figure out what they are all supposed to be about or what we are supposed to feel about them. Each director has some sort of story to tell (trying to feature as many hot, young, pretty people as they can, hence the appearance by the lovely Miss Lively), and some of the characters cross paths as they wander around the grand metropolis, but New York, I Love You is not a love note to the city or the places we visit in the movie, nor is it a celebration of its people or love in general. It is an absolutely meaningless and pointless movie that has you praying for the credits as soon as the first scene starts to play out. If you are like me, as each scene comes to an end, you will be left asking yourself, "is that it?"

The only entertainment I derived from the whole exercise was the laughter that overcame me as we watch some horrible acting performances. Natalie Portman's portrayal of a Hassidic woman makes her sound like a female Russian weightlifter who has done too many steroids, but it easily is topped when Hayden Christensen, attempting to sound like an authentic New Yorker, is more reminiscent of Al Pacino with the swine flu.

New York, I Love You is so bad it made me think about moving to Detroit instead.

New York, I Love You is rated R for language and sexual content.