Writer and star Mike Myers has his
head in the toilet more than a Florida State University freshman co-ed
during homecoming weekend.
Romany Malco stars as Darren Roanoke – a famous hockey
superstar whose play is suffering as the team heads to The Stanley Cup
championships. He and his wife, Prudence (Meagan Good, but I like to
call her Meagan Fine), are on the outs, and she has taken up with his
bitter rival, goalie Jacques “Le Coq” Grande
(played by Justin Timberlake, and, trust me, his name is only about the
5th most offensive joke in this movie).
In a desperate attempt to change the team’s cursed history
and get Roanoke’s head back in the game, the team’s
owner, Jane Bullard (Jessica Alba), has hired the second best spiritual
advisor in all of the world, Guru Pitka (Mike Myers), to help advise
Pitka save the day?
Myers has been away from writing
movies for almost 5 years and the best joke he can come up with is two
elephants doing the nasty? And, this was after the joke about the
elephant relieving itself. I think Mike Myers hates me.
To see 99% of the jokes in The Love Guru without
spending the $9 for a
ticket, all one has to do is walk into their bathroom. In those rare
moments when he pokes his head
above the rim, Myers delivers some hilarious material, especially his
lampooning of the spiritual advice and self-help business, but he has
this insatiable desire to dive back into the toilet bowl repeatedly,
and it flushes the movie away (he might find Zohan in there someplace
if he looks hard enough).
Myers and co-writer Graham Gordy (who I will assume to be a 13-year old
hyperactive boy strung out on Pop Rocks and Mountain Dew until someone
can prove otherwise) have produced a script that leads to a movie that
is not silly, but dumb. They fill The Love Guru
with a constant stream
of attempted puns where every name of a town or person has a crude
interpretation, which runs out of steam about 10 minutes into the
movie. Then, we have a bunch of jokes about midget Coach Cherkov (Verne
Troyer) being short (ooooh, daring and original!). Finally, Myers and
Gordy hit rock bottom when Pitka gets a pool cue shoved up his ass
(don't worry, his head ends up there, too).
The jokes are juvenile. The love story for Pitka is pointless, and poor
Telma Hopkins shows up as Roanoke’s Mom proving she has run
out of Family
Matters money and Tony Orlando doesn’t
Dawn to appear in the Nutrisystem
commercials. If it wasn’t
for Timberlake’s performance as the cocksure goalie with a
love of Celine Dion that cannot be exceeded by any man, I might have
given up and walked out.
The Love Guru is rated PG-13 for
crude and sexual content throughout, language, some comic violence and
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