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Back Shelf Beauties
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King Arthur One sexy woman showing off her stomach does not a movie make, although, it doesn't hurt. While Producer Jerry Bruckheimer wants us to be drawn to the Cineplex entertaining tantalizing thoughts of Keira Knightley's abs and some bloody battles, it's still not enough. King Arthur aims to tell us the "true" story of Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table, but it's akin to Michael Moore's version of the truth. As King Arthur starts, it is the 5th century and Britain is ruled by the Romans, who face increasing uprisings among the Briton people, led by a mysterious leader, Merlin (Stephen Dillane). The Roman army is pulling out, leaving the island to whoever wins the battle between the Britons and the mighty Saxons (another army that wants to rule Britain), but Roman soldier Arthur (Clive Owen) has been given one last assignment. Even though his dedicated men, forced to serve after their people lost a war to the Romans, are to be discharged after 15 years of gallant, legendary service, they are told to travel across England to save the Pope's godchild, a young man who might become Pope someday. The men, dedicated to Arthur after he has treated them better than any Roman leader ever would, decide to join their commander on this last assignment, but it is one of the most dangerous they have ever faced as they head straight towards a Saxon army bent on taking over the island at any cost. Can Arthur save the young man and his family? Will the Saxons find them first? If you're looking for Camelot, the royal Knights of the Round Table and Merlin conjuring spells, keep looking. This King Arthur proves, once again, the legend is always more entertaining than the real story, so stick to the legend. Merlin is not a wizard, Arthur is a Roman soldier (and part Briton) and the Excalibur story is done in passing with a backstory weaker than my will power when staring at a pint of Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey. This attempt by writer David Franzoni and director Antoine Fuqua to strip away the majestic character of the story and show us a more "human" side of the gang is misguided. Acting performances are secondary to watching arrows fly across the air (very popular since The Lord of the Rings), seeing sword fights that are amazingly bloodless (need to get that PG-13 rating to bring in the kids!), and witnessing one of the most awkward, unsexy sex scenes I have ever seen in a movie. Franzoni has provided a story that is hard to follow, overly complex for no reason, and throws off anyone who is slightly familiar with King Arthur legend, but maybe that's the whole idea. Everyone involved with the film must be banking on a younger, less educated audience to fill the seats to see some fight scenes and the aforementioned abs. Sadly, even those aren't very good (the fight scenes, not the abs). Fuqua makes the big battles difficult to follow as he constantly changes perspective and focus on different people. Instead of allowing us to experience the drama of one person as he fights for his life, Fuqua tries to shove several of those fights in our face in a misguided attempt to show us that it's all happening at the same time. I wish he had shown us a wider shot of the battle, so we could understand what was happening, and allowed the audience to focus in on whatever we felt was important, or just cut to the important part when necessary. We don't get to see Owen, Knightley as Guinevere, Joel Edgerton as Gawain, Hugh Dancy as Galahad, Ioan Gruffudd as Lancelot do much since the script is light, but Ray Winston as Bors is given plenty of comedic relief that is overdone and too frequent for anyone with a brain. Between establishing the Arthur and Guinevere relationship, showing the inner turmoil among the Saxons, explaining the Britons' desire to rule their own island, establishing the knights' allegiance to Arthur, and explaining the relationship between Arthur and Lancelot, Fuqua has plenty to do, but doesn't flesh out any of it. He relies on some jokes, some fighting and a great scene where Guinevere emerges in her medieval dominatrix outfit to entertain us, but it's not enough. I think Will Ferrell and Anchorman will be slaying King Arthur this week at the box office. The movie doesn't stink, but it's not good either. I enjoyed the big chase scene across the ice (the movie's big highlight), and it does flow to a conclusion that makes sense, but King Arthur should have been better. 1 ½ Waffles (Out Of 4) Copyright 2004 - WaffleMovies.com
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