Jack and Jill

I wish I was exaggerating when I tell you Jack and Jill is the worst movie I have ever seen in my entire life. Worst of all, Adam Sandler somehow convinced, bribed or forced Al Pacino at gun point to play a major supporting role in the film. At this time, I can only assume the real Al Pacino has been kidnapped by aliens and they have replaced his body with a creature determined to ruin his legacy in an attempt to take over the planet as we weep for the one time greatest actor of a generation.

Sandler stars as Jack - a successful advertising agency president living the big life in California. Every year, for Thanksgiving, his annoying, loud, obnoxious twin sister, Jill (Adam Sandler), comes to visit, but, this year, she doesn't want to go home. Sensing this visit could ruin the big family cruise he has scheduled, Jack decides he must find Jill a man to distract her.

Is there any man on the planet who wants Jill?

Will Jack learn to appreciate the sister he dreads so much?

Will you promise to keep sharp objects out of my reach while I recover from seeing this?

Jack and Jill is not so much a movie, but a challenge to your soul. Maybe it is designed to make us wonder if there is a God, and if he will save you from this disaster. He won't.

Story? That would get in the way of Sandler loudly screaming and preening and screeching as he makes Jill the broadest of outrageous characters, but with no soul or admirable quality that would make us relate to her or even care. Of course, she always says the wrong thing and doesn't have a sense of boundaries. However, that's the whole movie.

Instead of establishing a premise and building the story, it feels like the audience is dropped into the middle of Jack and Jill without much explanation of where these characters are coming from. Yet, why would the audience spend a moment thinking about that when all of the characters are cartoons, and not the good kind you would find on The Simpsons?

This becomes apparent when director Dennis Dugan and writer Steve Koren try to insert some allegedly touching moments that are supposed to pull at our heart strings, but our heart strings walked out of the theater when the fart jokes began. You will wish you walked out with them.

Jack and Jill is a series of pratfalls that are tired and forgettable, a script lacking any ounce of the hilarity you kind of hoped would be there (even if it was juvenile), and a premise you think Rob Schneider would have gravitated towards, instead of Sandler, who just doesn't need the money anymore and has shown a desire to do more than this.

You think Pacino would have learned his lesson after Gigli. At one point in the movie, he says to burn it, so no one will ever see it. I couldn't agree more.

Jack and Jill is rated PG for crude and sexual humor, language, comic violence and brief smoking