I wish I could say one nice
thing about the movie, but even my old stand by of, “At
least, it started on
time,” doesn’t apply here.
After a 20
minute delay in starting the movie, I had to assume the projector was
taking an
ethical stand and refusing to be party to the heinous act of showing
this movie
to people who were forced to pay for it.
Lindsay Lohan stars as
Aubrey – a talented junior college student from the ritzy
part of town who
turns up missing. She’s
not the first
girl matching her description to disappear, which has police and the
town
concerned about the possibility that a serial killer is in their midst. When one of the other
girls turns up dead
with obvious injuries indicating she was tortured in a methodical way,
hope for
Aubrey fades. However, she turns up on the side of the road, barely
clinging to
life and exhibiting the same type of injuries.
While her parents, Susan (Julia Ormond) and Daniel
(Neal McDonough), are
thrilled and relieved to have their daughter back, Aubrey claims she is
not
their daughter, but a stripper named Dakota.
Is Aubrey in denial? Suffering from amnesia? Psychotic from her
horrible kidnapping? Or,
is she really Dakota, and Aubrey is still
out there somewhere?
I Know
Who Killed Me is so
bad it might be the last time you see Lindsay Lohan in a movie with her
clothes
on, which is kind of ironic given how she is the only stripper in the
movie who
never exposes her body. This
is the
first clue that you are about to a see movie that is disappointing in
every
respect.
The movie looks like it was
a cheesy psychological thriller B-movie shot in the early
1970’s with its odd
flashback sequences and an uninspired musical score which is trying to
sound
creepy and mind altering, but just comes off as annoying. Then, director Chris
Sivertson keeps
inserting odd little visuals like the cat without any hair (is that a
metaphor
for something?) and the constant use of the color blue.
While these could have been cool, cool could only
be achieved if there was a purpose behind it all, and purpose clearly
is
lacking.
Then, we get some gratuitous
gore as well as the dumbest scene of the year when Dakota/Aubrey has
loud sex
in her parents’ house (making poor Mom have to listen to the
bumping, grinding
and moaning the whole time). All
the
while, I Know Who Killed Me plods along with no mystery, no clues to
help you
try to play along and discover the identity of the killer, as well as
one of the
worst death scenes you will ever see in a movie and a twist ending that will have you laughing.
Yet, none of that tops the
disaster of an acting performance Lohan turns in.
She’s unemotional and uninvolved, only
catching your attention when her character starts to drink and do
drugs, but
that’s only because the snarky among us want to see that
scene as a perfect
joke about her current life and predicaments.
She’s so disappointing, Lohan
doesn’t even inspire laughter at her
failed performance. You
just know it is
bad and not getting any better.
I was hoping I Know Who Killed Me would be tremendously, historically bad, so we could celebrate it as being
among
the most unintentionally entertaining movies of all time, but it
can’t even get
that right. Maybe
it needed Sharon Stone
to hit that level.
- ½ Waffle
(Out of 4)
I Know
Who Killed Me is
rated R for grisly violence including torture and disturbing gory images, and for sexuality,
nudity and language.
Copyright
2007 - WaffleMovies.com
