Hitman: Agent 47
0 Waffles!

It’s the sequel no one asked for! How many of you even knew it was a sequel?

Rupert Friend assumes the role of Agent 47 (originally played by Timothy Olyphant, who is a tougher, buffer, meaner, butcher version of Ryan Seacrest). This super soldier synthesized in a laboratory has been hired to track down a mysterious lady, Katia (Hannah Ware), who could be the key to finding a scientist who created the entire Agent program.

A blandly, clumsily named secret organization (with very posh corporate headquarters and many employees with German accents), The Syndicate, also wants to find this scientist to start the program all over again, but Agent 47 has other plans.

If you didn’t follow any of that, don’t worry. It doesn’t matter.

Director Aleksander Bach is interested in slow motion explosions, car chases and badly filmed hand-to-hand combat. Plot seems to be an obstacle to whatever spectacle of clichés he is trying to provide us.

Depth and emotion are 4-letter words in this tale as we see some lame, half-hearted attempts to make Katia’s struggle poignant, but gun fire interrupts Ware before some tears can be shed (yet, they find time to have her shed her clothes in a pointless scene where she takes a swim in the middle of the night).

However, Hitman: Agent 47 ultimately fails when Agent 47 is turned into some sort of bald headed, Caucasian Mr. Miyagi. The hitman with no emotion suddenly adopts a protégé, which might be entertaining if Friend had the charm and screen presence to make it work. Also, it runs completely contrary to the silent, intimidating character, if you care about stuff like that.

Hitman: Agent 47 is so badly made, they don’t even have awesome cars to admire. I guess those were sacrificed in some budget cuts.

Hitman: Agent 47 is rated R for sequences of strong violence, and some language.