Friday the 13th

Nothing says Valentine’s Day like a machete wielding, hockey mask wearing psycho killer!

Yes, Jason (Derek Meers) is back, and he is terrorizing Crystal Lake again. A group of kids have decided to go camping, and they know all about the legend of Camp Crystal Lake (shut down almost 20 years ago after a mother went nuts and killed a bunch of camp counselors), so, in between sex, smoking weed, topless water skiing and drinking until they pass out, some are curious to find the old camp site, until Jason starts to hack everybody with his massive machete (and that’s not a euphemism).

Who will live?

Who will die?

How big is that machete?

No one is going to Friday the 13th for its artistic merit, dialogue, storytelling or stellar acting, so let’s get that out of the way. You go see this movie for the pure camp value of its mediocrity.

Friday the 13th is not a good movie (I know, you are totally shocked to hear that), but director Marcus Nispel and the writing team embrace its reliance on overly kooky characters, outright stupid victims and the shocking moments when Jason appears and we know he will be butchering some soul who acted in an immoral way. Just like in the original, if you get your freak on, you are going to die. If you go water skiing while topless, you are going to die. If you smoke some wacky tobacky, you are going to die. Michael Phelps wouldn’t stand a chance swimming in this lake.

Yet, not many will make that direct connection, especially since Nispel soon tosses it aside to give us a few more chase scenes and more moments for Jason to wield his massive machete. This movie isn’t trying to be smart or sly, even if it is entertaining.

Aside from the camp value, Nispel doesn’t do much to make Friday the 13th any different than any other run of the mill slasher flick. Sure, we have seen so many at this point that not much will shock us any more (so why try?), and I do like the opening sequence as a perfect way to re-introduce Jason and have some fun with the audience, but Nispel doesn’t get very imaginative or surprising.

Go for the laughs, not for the shocks or the screams.

Friday the 13th is rated R for strong bloody violence, some graphic sexual content, language and drug material.