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Back Shelf Beauties
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Exorcist: The Beginning I will be in need of therapy when this month is over. Hollywood moviemakers have opened up the Willie Waffle Closet of Fears to show us sharks (Open Water), huge snakes (Anacondas, opening next week), and demonic possession (Exorcist: The Beginning). Just when it can't get scarier, next week we have to deal with talking babies in stupid movies (Baby Geniuses 2: Superbabies)! AAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!!! Stellan Skarsgard stars as Father Merrin - a frustrated holy man who renounced his vows after witnessing horrible atrocities in Holland during World War II. It's 1949, and the Oxford-trained archeologist has been asked to travel to Nairobi to find an ancient artifact of great importance. A church has been found buried beneath the earth. While this might not be shocking on the surface, the church is older than it should be, and in such pristine condition as to suggest it was buried on the same day it was built. What is going on in this place? Why was the church buried? What is Father Merrin about to face? I saw the original Exorcist once, and I'll never watch it again. The Exorcist was the scariest movie I have ever seen, one so scary I can't look at the screen when Linda Blair is in her demon-possessed mode. Exorcist: The Beginning pales in comparison as a boring movie that takes too long to get to the good stuff. Then, once we get to the good stuff, the audience is disappointed to learn the devil is drawing from the same bag of tricks we have seen before. Over thousands of years, you'd think evil would have multiple game plans, kinda like Joe Gibbs or Bill Parcells. Instead, it feels like writer Alexi Hawley and director Renny Harlin just want to reenact their favorite scenes from the original. Exorcist: The Beginning also suffers from B-movie syndrome. Too often, Harlin goes for gory and bloody for gory and bloody sake, instead of heightening the chills and thrills. For example, a woman goes through labor to produce a still born baby covered in maggots for no reason I could understand, and Father Merrin cuts his hand to show some blood, but it doesn't seem to be important. Additionally, Hawley and other contributors to the story have created several characters who seem to be fitting stereotype or stock roles like the crazy, dimwitted archeology foreman with boils on his face and invective spewing from his mouth, or the oh-so-innocent rookie priest sent by the Vatican (and you know he's going to get his butt kicked at some point). Give me something a little original, please! Meanwhile, Harlin has Skarsgard playing the supposedly spirit-broken, faith-challenged hero, Merrin, in an overly rakish, Indian Jones-type style. Skarsgard makes Merrin appear to relish the challenge a bit too much at times. And, don't get me started on the horrible CGI created Satanic Hyenas. These animals are too stiff and jerky to be taken for real. Exorcist: The Beginning is a simple story that needs more depth, facts and incidents to get the action ramped up a notch, and some new evil tricks for Father Merrin to battle against. The dialogue is meaningless, bordering on stupid, like my "favorite" line, "there's your God Damn Church." Of course, the villagers are the only people smart enough to stay out of the evil church. Hopefully, you'll be smart enough to stay out of the Cineplex. 1 ½ Waffles Out Of 4 Copyright 2004 - WaffleMovies.com
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