Cars 2

It's the sequel no one asked for. From the lame boy band who won't be together by the end of the year covering a classic song from The Cars (when Disney/Pixar can afford to pay the real thing) to the feeling this movie was written by someone who got fired from an Eddie Murphy film (or Jay Leno), Cars 2 is a failure.

Lightning McQueen (voice by Owen Wilson) is back (and there's nothing you can do to stop it), and everything is looking up for the race car who now calls Radiator Springs home. Triumphantly returning after another championship season, Lightning is looking forward to spending time with his girlfriend, Sally (Bonnie Hunt), and his best pal, Mater (Larry The Cable Guy).

Unfortunately, his plans for rest and relaxation are interrupted when he is goaded into entering the World Grand Prix. A new challenger has emerged, Francesco Bernoulli (John Turturro), who wants to show the world he is the fastest car around, and an eccentric billionaire, Sir Axelrod (Eddie Izzard), wants all of the cars to run on his new alternative fuel as a promotional effort (Not only is it a bad comedy, they want to beat you over the head with a message about saving the planet. In protest, I left the theater and chucked my plastic bottle into the garbage destined for the landfill instead of the recycle bin. That'll show 'em.).

However, someone doesn't want these cars to succeed on alternative fuel, and everyone has mistaken Mater as an international spy. Now, he unwittingly is working with British intelligence agents Finn McMissile (Michael Caine) and Holley Shiftwell (Emily Mortimer) to find the saboteur before Lightning is the next car to be damaged.

Cars 2 is the exact opposite of everything you love about Pixar movies. It is a half-hearted effort lacking the wit and charm of the great Pixar films (and you painfully are reminded of this by watching commercials for the movie showing you clips from those great movies as well as a funny Toy Story short film before Cars 2).

It's full of loud, ridiculous action in place of great characters and jokes that can make everyone laugh. Sure, kids might like all of Mater's antics and crass behavior, but movies like The Incredibles or Ratatouille had so much more going for them, and it's OK to strive for that level. Isn't it?

Writer Ben Queen obviously makes Cars 2 into a slight James Bond parody, but why not go all of the way? Every perfect moment is passed over for the most banal slapstick schtick. Like all of the rest of the subject matter, Queen isn't willing to dig deep. He wants to deliver the lowest common denominator material instead of working hard for the surprising line or the sly piece of dialogue you might have to think about for more than 1/10th of a second.

Then, the car puns fall quite flat. We already saw that movie in Cars. I admire Queen's attempts to fill Cars 2 with messages about friendship and staying true to yourself, but those are tacked on so late in the movie, they feel, well, tacked on.

Can we throw down one of those police spike strips across the road to stop them from making a Cars 3?

Cars 2 is rated G.