The Box

I hope Cameron Diaz has been saving her money. A few more movies like this and she'll be knocking on Drew Barrymore's front door begging for a Charlie's Angels 3, and Drew will sneaking out the back to avoid her.

Set in 1976, Diaz and James Marsden star as Norma and Arthur - a young, professional couple living in Richmond, VA. Norma is a school teacher, and Arthur is a NASA employee and wannabe astronaut, but money is tight, so they are open to the temptation put before them.

Instead of a snake bearing a tasty apple, a mysterious, well dressed man, Arlington Steward (Frank Langella) has come bearing a briefcase full of $1 million in cash, which is theirs (tax free!) if they open a special box, and push the button inside (this is very hi tech for the 1970's, just roll with it). While they will get the fortune (tax free!), someone they do not know will die.

Why were they chosen?

Will they push the button?

What are Arlington Steward's intentions?

Can he be trusted?

I wish I was at home watching this movie on my TV, so I could push the off button on my remote control. Writer/director Richard Kelly (based on the short story by Richard Matheson) wants to create a creepy, crawly macabre homage to bad 1970's horror movies, complete with melodramatic music that sounds like it was composed by one of Satan's minions. Instead, he creates a boring, emotionally flat waste of film featuring Diaz with a southern accent of no intelligible origin (nor consistency), and a plot being kept so far under wraps we never get a full understanding of why this whole scenario has happened.

Kelly never makes the creepy portions of The Box creepy enough, and the scary portions are not scary enough. Instead of being frightened, intrigued or horrified, I was laughing at the meaningless, idiotic dialogue and completely ridiculous situations our heroes must face.

The audience is subject to a constant tone of foreboding danger, but The Box is more tease than delivery. The only danger you face is the danger of falling asleep part way through and not getting your money back.

The Box is rated PG-13 for thematic elements, some violence and disturbing images.