Set in, you know, 10,000 B.C.,
Steven Strait stars
as D’Leh – an outcaste member of a hunting tribe in
the mountains. When he was young, D’Leh did not have a strong
relationship with the other boys in camp, but formed a loving bond with
a young girl, Evolet (Camilla Belle), rescued from another tribe, who
might be part of an
important prophecy. When D’Leh
coming of age and has a chance to win Evolet’s hand (and
everything else), it looks like the two love birds have a chance at
true happiness, but a tribe of warriors raids the village and takes her
as a slave. Now, D’Leh must find the courage to travel across
desert, snow, tall grass and more to get her back.
Will D’Leh be able
to find her in time?
Can he do battle with the vicious warriors who hold her?
is a disaster that
can’t even get the computer generated images right.
Writer/director Roland Emmerich
and co-writer Harald Kloser prove they have seen 300, The Ten
Commandments, Jurrasic Park, Apocalypto and a
handful of other movies
like 10,000 B.C., by inserting all sorts of similar
clichéd elements, but they didn’t copy the best
parts. Instead we get all sorts of horrendous dialogue and story about
prophecies, The Hunter, The Mark, and mystical Shamans who see the
future and present, but none of it feels original or interesting. Plus,
Emmerich goes for the simplistic arrangement of the bad guys speaking
in some sort of foreign tongue, while the good guys all speak English.
Couldn’t he just start the movie in a foreign language like The
Hunt For Red October, then
transition into English?
Then, the audience, if they think about it for 10 seconds, are left to
wonder where all of this is supposed to be happening. Are the bad guys
Vikings? Are they all marching to Egypt? Is the hunting tribe located
in the European mountains? When did they cross the ocean? Did I miss
that scene? How come the evil tribe seems to be multi-cultural?
Plus, those CGI animals are pitiful. The Wooly Mammoths move in klunky
ways instead of smoothly and more realistically walking across the
screen. The Saber Tooth Tiger that stars in the trailer and commercials
(and barely appears in the movie) looks like a cartoon drawing inserted
into the film at the last minute. And, we are treated to a weird
hungry, vicious ostriches, which are more comic
Of course, after butchering the rest of 10,000 B.C.,
can’t let go and allows the movie to go on and on and on long
after the movie should have ended, and throws in a twist only writers
from professional wrestling could appreciate. I got so bored with the
movie, I started to notice that all of the primal warriors with
scraggly hair did find time to manicure their eyebrows, which is
historically inaccurate as well as being a bad sign that you just
couldn’t care less how it ends.
10,000 B.C. is rated PG-13 for
sequences of intense action and violence.